There are endless stories out there of people’s lovers cheating on them with members of their own family. Maybe a guy sleeps with his girlfriend’s sister or a girl has an affair with her husband’s father. Being cheated on is hard enough, but it’s a double blow to the heart when the other person is one’s own relative.
But in this strange case, a young woman is more than fine with her mom banging her boyfriend. I am all for people being consensually polyamorous and open having open relationships, but this story is a head scratcher. On the one hand, all parties consent; on the other, something feels gross about it.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea and you don’t have to share the same pool as your mom.
DearCupid is a message board where users ask other people for all kinds of relationship advice. There are threads like “Should I tell my daughter about her biological father?” or “My housemate keeps having sex in our shared spaces and I don’t like it.” Think of it as and r/AskReddit for love and relationships.
An anonymous 20-year-old young woman posted “Should my Mom and I continue to share the same boyfriend?”
“My mom, A, fell pregnant at 15 and dropped out of school.
She later completed her school and qualified as a nurse.
While my mother was studying my grandparents cared for me. My mother did not neglect me but regretted that she could not give me all the attention she wanted to. in spite of the problems she ensured that I had a good education.
My father disappeared when he learnt that my mother was pregnant. I never knew my father and my mom never married and as far as I know had another relationship.
I am 20 now and at university. My mom has youthful looks and people take us to be sisters. Last year I met this guy, S, and fell in love with him.
He is 26 and we have been having sex at least five times a week. S uses a condom when we have sex.
I introduced S to my mom and she immediately took a liking to him and became good friends.
In January this year my mother told me that she wants me to share S with her. I asked my mom what she meant and she told that she wanted S to have sex with.
I was taken aback but since I love my mom and will do anything for her I agreed.
S was reluctant at first but relented and since then my mom and I have sex with S regularly.
My mom and I have sex with S in each others presence. My mom and I find it exciting to watch S having sex with us.
My question is ‘Should my mom and I continue having sex with him, and if so for how long?’
Both my mom and I are quite comfortable that S has sex with both of us.”
What to do?
My issue is that both mother an daughter enjoy watching each other have sex with S. It seems somewhat incestuous, even thought they don’t engage in threesomes (that we know of). So what were the responses?
User YouWish said:
“Is this for real?!?
In each other’s presence?!? Uhh.
This has all sorts of wrong attached to it, borderline incestuous-feeling. But, you’ve already made your decisions about it, so continue until you don’t feel like it anymore??
My question to YOU is – you describe this situation as if you’ve been happy with it all along, yet then you ask the question. Why question what you’re happy with, unless you’re not happy with it and haven’t told us why you’re not.”
JJanniepeg chimed in with a full chronological breakdown:
“If the three of you were to be shipped off to an island, then yes you can continue sharing for as long as you want. We live in societies with rules and appropriate manners to follow. What you are doing is frowned upon and I bet the only people you are telling about this is strangers online. You may not have a dad but you surely would not let your grandparents know about this. What you are doing is a taboo and you are enjoying it as long as nobody knows about it.
S would probably want to get married and have a family too. He can’t marry both of you so to avoid this mess he would probably leave both of you alone. I don’t think anyone is in love with anyone here. just in lust. Your mom wants to create the bond she never had with you, and the common thing you have, unfortunately is the guy S. You should do something else with her like shopping and travelling. She may not feel like your mom, give you useful advice about life but at least she shouldn’t do anything that’s yucky.”
An anonymous DearCupid user urged them to stop, offering a psychological interpretation.
“[…]Do you have ANY idea how much this will have messed with your head? That this might leave an indelible mark and make you incapable of ever having a normal relationship in the future and the one person in the world whom you could have actually turned to (your mother) is part of something this unspeakable?!” they said.
The anonymous poster never followed up with the outcome of the complex situation. Obviously she had doubts or else she wouldn’t have gone to a forum asking for advice. Is there a chance they can break this triangle without anyone getting hurt? Will this continue to be a mother/daughter bonding hobby with other men? How will this affect her future relationships? Why would her mother even dare think up of this plan in the first place?
Reading about odd situations like this makes you reflect on your own. Whether you approve or condemn this love triangle, there’s no denying it’s more complicated situation than any 20-year-old should have to deal with.
Read more responses.