Summer is coming, guys.
If you aren’t already, you should be working on leaning up that mass of muscle and microwaved carbohydrates you’ve been carefully cultivating over the winter.
These last five months have been a long, miserable veil of shoulder circuits and frozen thin crust Sicilian pizzas. Now is the time to cut, lest you find yourself bringing a dull knife to a gun fight this spring.
Such was the case for one Arena Football League fan who appeared on the Philadelphia Soul’s “Flex Cam” earlier this month. He made the mistake of arriving at the stadium with more water weight than pump, and he quickly found himself receiving an important lesson on the right to bear arms from Brawndoleeza Rice herself.
The man began flexing the second his mug appeared on camera, thoroughly enjoying the spotlight. The moment was his to own, until a woman sitting behind him casually removed her jacket and baptized the masses with sweet, biceptual healing.
She leaned down, gave him a good look at the triceratops, and he did the only thing an out-gunned man can do: cover his face and pray for a random bolt of lightning to take him from this world.
Should’ve started cutting, bro. Gainbraham Lincoln didn’t die for our gains just so we could hide them in April.
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