For most people, starting a marriage off on solid ground is a simple but important goal. Things might get rocky down the road, but if both parties are committed and in love when the wedding bells chime, they should be in a good place to get things started.
However, one woman has opened up about her decision to file for divorce after her new husband carried out a “humiliating” stunt involving their wedding cake.
The unnamed woman wrote to Slate’s Dear Prudence advice column, explaining: “I got married just before Christmas and am hoping to be divorced or annulled by the end of January.”
“I got married just before Christmas and am hoping to be divorced or annulled by the end of January. Obviously, that wasn’t the plan originally, but … I never cared about getting married, but I wasn’t opposed to it. So when my boyfriend proposed in 2020, we decided to go for it. We each took on about half the responsibility for organizing the wedding, but I think I was pretty reasonable about compromise when he really wanted something. My only hard-and-fast rule was that he would not rub cake in my face at the reception.
“Being a reasonable man who knows me well, he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed me by the back of the head and shoved my head down into it. It was planned since the cake was DESTROYED, and he had a bunch of cupcakes as a backup.
“I left. The next day I told him we were done. I am standing by that. The thing is that over the holidays, EVERYONE has gotten together to tell me I should give him a second chance. That I am overreacting because of my issues (I am VERY claustrophobic after a car accident years ago, and I absolutely panicked at being shoved into a cake and held there). That I love him (even though right now I don’t feel that at all), he loves me, and that means not giving up at the first hurdle. I don’t want to, but everyone is so united and confident in their assurance I am making a terrible mistake that I wonder if they are right.”
Slate’s current Prudence, Jenée Desmond-Harris, advised the frustrated bride to listen to her instincts, even if that means ending a marriage so soon after it began.
“Everyone’s sure you’re making a mistake, but they’re not the ones who have to wake up every day with a man whose behavior massively turns them off. You are. So you only have to listen to yourself. I think what he did was a red flag about not respecting you and your wishes—to say nothing of the physical aggression—but even if it wasn’t, the fact that you really didn’t like it is enough. Make a mental note about which of your loved ones don’t seem to value your happiness, and continue with your divorce.”
The post was later shared in Reddit’s Wedding Shaming forum, and the consensus was that the groom was totally in the wrong for the stunt he pulled.
One person wrote: “It’s not even a cutesy splat of cake on the nose, he slammed her head into it and humiliated her.”
While another said: “He didn’t just not respect her only boundary, he found the worst, most aggressive way possible to violate it.”
A third said: “She asked for one thing and he couldn’t respect that?”
And a fourth added: “I would have been SWINGING if my fiance/husband did that to me. Not that violence should be the first answer but just as a knee-jerk reaction to having my head shoved into something and held there just to get them to stop.
“I would have no remorse whatsoever if I hit him. That’s an absolute no no for me.”
